Successfully failed

Thats how optimisum works, accepting the result with a affirmative stance. Striving for relevent aftermath ,one might fail still one have tried successfully which strikes the idea in my mind that one can be a loser and a winner at the same time. Either you can lead or you can guide there is no room for abeyance. The universe is a big laboratory where practicle are performed from time immemorial. Every one is entangled in there mesh. While performing your part make sure you maintain a lab record. It is one of the things i have learned while engineering :- To maintain a lab record. Lets follow the old school pattern and prepare a comprehensive experiment record.

EXPERIMENT: 1

Objective :- Perform the childhood and teenage
Requirements :- Age under 19
Theory :-
What i have understood about it is that its a phase of inadvertency. You never cared about what future hold for you. You just keep moving with the flow. When life was adorned with all kinds of beer and skittles, when the experiments were actually experimental, when you didn’t know the result, when you used to enjoy the vagueness, when “performing” was the only goal, when you were ardent and love was platonic. You were surrounded by family and friends. You used be fresh as daisy. Emotions were pure as gold. With all this attributes you kept learning. As the childhood pass and you walk into teenage, circumstances started doping your character. As you grew up your physical appearance changes. You always wanted to grow tall enough to touch the architrave. You see … Thats how doping affects. Your expectations increase with your age. Now you wanted to predict future, more correctly you wanted to calculate it. Planning superceded performing and rehearsals substituted the excitement.

Result :- Completed school and entered the new phase of life

Experiment : 2

Objective :- To complete graduation and carry on with future plans.

Requirement :- Dreams,friends, love,dare, food, beverages, smoke….. Requirements list can be extended according to oneself.

Theory :-

For the first time many of us come outside alone from the Shadow of our parents. Mixed feeling were there. Some mumma’s child got homesick, some extroverts expand there friend circle, some try to be the person they always wanted to be so its the chance for them to bring that change. One thing that changes in almost all of us is our style statement. one side hairs, well ironed creased dress supervened by the funky look and vogue clothes. We groomed our self as a person during this time. While learning our graduation course we also learn to live. Everyone mold him/her-self according to there lifestyle. Some become tippler ,some scholar, some blogger, some singer, some youtuber and blah blah blah…. Graduation is a phase where you enjoy your life to the fullest. We made unbreakable bond with few people, a life long relation and capture moments in perfect groupies and selfies with them. Some hidden folders concealed in the study materials still carry the proof of your inebriated parties. Moving with all kind of worries, searing expectations, good and bitter experiences, complicated love story and friends at court we learned that life wont stop. We always find something/someone in this incessant long journey. After the happy ending of the graduation ,everyone move on to the exciting career goals. The vis a vis interlocutions replaced by conference video calls. Lollygagging is limited to whatsapp group. Now life get little boring and time bounded.
This phase of life started from you as pristine person and ended up at you as absolutely different one.

Result :- Lived amazing moment of life and completed graduation successfully.

You are still in the lab and you will come to know more about the syllabus with time. Keep performing your part and maintain lab record of each experiment. So when you look back in life atleast you know what have you done. Which are those few moments that are worth living again. This dog-eared lab record will bring tears of joy and nostalgic blush on you face.

Entropy

The measure of “Randomness” and for universe it keeps increasing. “Thats basics”, thats “SCIENCE”. Correct accordingly if i am wrong.
Ruined plans drive your way through randomness. Mulling about the point of decision which converted the well arranged events into farrago is all you do. Seriatim frustation is the luscious spice of randomness. But yeah eventually “All is Well” will sooth you atleast temporarily utill you realize that randomness is mandatory for escaping from the unwanted equilibrium. Stability is good but boring at the same time. You want it but you won’t enjoy it for long. Here i am clambering on the precipice and increasing the entropy of “MY” universe. This instability gives me wanderlust. It made me itinerant. It compelled me to commute to different place. Some of my itinerary are very happening as i had been in new state with every first sun rays. Started. From jaipur i have travelled to indore, pune, bangalore, ujjain ,mumbai, delhi, bhopal,ahmedabad within 3 months and finally to gandhinagar.

A mechanical student, a gov. Job seeker, a aptitude teacher but ended up at TCS as trainee~asst. System engineer. See how random things bump into ‘MY’ universe. So the entropy is positive thats why i keep moving, striving for something better. My thermodynamic system was closed one, no mass flow occurs in it. It was meant to be non reactive. I was nonchalant to almost everyone around me which throws a bad impression of mine. “Khadoos” they said, as i used to talk less but then SYSTEM become open. Energy and mass is allowed to flow. Ambivert behaviour supervened upon the inactivity. I met people from length and breadth of the country. The maratha mandli was among my 1st hindi interaction. Hindi lines of kerala boys were spoke verbatim and how can i forget to mention Table tennis rivalry for the BOSS. I dont like delhi but delhiets are preferred ones. I was born in U.P so U.P has special place in my life and so do the UP people. I may not lubricate my eye with tears but yeah i will miss them. Showing love is not my jam but yeah i care. Even the idea of swaping the base location crossed my mind when everyone got delhi, but i dont want to disturb the flow and it is not possible too. Here i am on my way back to my place, reminiscing as much as i can. My smiling face has umpteen love for you. May be we wont ever meet again but this time period is engraved like murals. Blush when you look back. Laugh vivaciously when remember our confabulations. Not everything has a happy ending but be happy at the end.

PINK

  A colour, a city, a connexion, the association of 5 years. I had been living in Jaipur since 2K13. A stagnation of 5 years physically otherwise a journey full of experience and learning and love and friends and what not. Each year was annus mirabilis. I dont know the exact adjective to define this span.
    It is like leaving home instead of leaving for home. Here i am at durgapura railway station with my baggage waiting for my train and trying to reminisce as much as i can before my train arrives. 

  The city welcomed me with its spacious lucid surrounding and peace when i was crestfallen. The city of forts and blue blood has much more to offer apart from its hospitality. City had embraced me with oneness and bestowed me fraternity. People were adhering. Climate wasss…. Deceitful in monsoon. It rains cat and dog here when you wont even expect. I had observed all 3 weather with in 2 hour.The only thing i hate is the scorching hot summer. Winter is for enjoying the outskirts of city. Food is savoring. Damn i have a famished friend circle. We enjoyed almost every kind of food. From Road side puri sabji in stringency to rooftop tea to show off our luxury😂. Chicken at Mohammadi, biryani of MZ restaurant, model town chole khulche,amratsari nan of GT, burger of GVD, kachori & lassi at ajmeri gate, Andaprantha, WTP & 3Ds is good only in month starting for me atleast and our sporadic house parties to tipple ourselves will be missed.

 With its rich culture the city is always good for wandering. Amber fort, nahargarh fort, jaigad fort, city palace, hawa mahal, jal mahal, janter manter are manifesting the glory of the city. I was able to enjoy a road trip to bhangarh and sambhar salt lake. Moti dongri, birla temple, Galta ji, chulgiri, khatu shyam are reviving the spirituality of the city. Jaipur zoo, nahargarh zoological garden, ranthambore & sariska adorn the jungle trill of city.

  I was at sea before leaving but staying here wont help anymore. I cant partake of  exactly why i love the city. May be i like the authority over my life which i got here. May be friends. Might be i love living alone. May be i come back. May be…? 

 

 

Painkiller

One day i woke up early for assesment test. Due to sleeplessness, i felt headache so while returning i bought few combiflam. “These pharmaceutical paraphernalia will give you fleeting relief from the physical pain” advised the pharmacist. “But your routine will bestow you the real and permanent relief” he added. I had heard that these painkillers have side-effects but at that time i didn’t heed.

Rather living on these nostrums why dont we change a little bit and identify the daily dose of healing.Get used to or stand against the situation because you know you can do better. Sniveling from pain and complaining about the milieu won’t help anymore in this real world. Living alone and bearing the pain while clambering every inch to reach the goal, i have identified few painkillers of life…

A long drive, a call of loved one, first sip of tea in drizzling, hanky panky of friends, result of hardwork, teasing your sister, unexpected knock on the door by a friend, the petrichor, a novel ..are those things which heal more than any medicine…….
Your favourite dish, a photo of parents in wallet, window seat in low floor after hectic day, an old video of your college days, early morning walk, a song which used to be your favorite, a nightout, a new commodity, a dog-eared diary of secrets, a gift, a lost toy and many more… This list can be increased according to one’s perspective. The point is how we stand vis-a-vis to life. Are we enjoying the very little moment of daily life ? These are the painkiller you striving for. Can you point them out in the helter skelter of your routine ?

CHEMISTRY

  They are elements of my life. Pure and in there natural state pertaining there individual quality which differ them from each  other. But as pure things are prone to attack by impurities so do our friendship, attacked by each other’s prowess. Now we are compouds, more stable than ever. Bounded together by sharing some of our parts, a covalent bond. Although we share almost all materialistic things but mutual understanding is what keeps us together.
  Our friendship is embellished by a lot of reactions which may be endothermic as well as exothermic. Slapstick’s, unusual discussions, fights, innuendo are reactants of our friendship. Some time a catalyst may needed to expedite ourself 😂😂. Care, insults, love , abuse and a lot of beer and skittles are the product of the reactions. 

  I miss my school/college days. By this i mean… I miss my friends. I miss my insouciant vivid life. I miss our vivacious laugh.When things are as simple as they look. No hidden complications, no onus. Simply living to grow. Now we have surpassed that phase. We are not juvenile now. Compond is broken down into its constituent elements. We have to move on our different route toward our goals.

  I cant partake of that erstwhile time and last few days are mere glimpse of that time. Sharing sips and puff, eating together, umteen confabulation and smudging around exulted me again. For a while i forget almost all my misery. But it wont last longer. Our Chemistry is strong so distance wont matter But moving together was fun. We can be distant apart but still close to each other’s heart. 

Surprise

The sudden void you feel after a two-hour long conversation over phone. Neither you want to cut the call nor it was initially decided to talk that much. She never stopped talking and I never interrupted her. It was our cycle of things. The conclusion of every talk was nothing significant. We laughed, we cried, we cared, and talked over things. Her voice at the end of the day was my tonic, a refuge from all of the damn things that I was going through. To make her laugh, to love her, and to care for her seems to be my utmost responsibility. I always told her that. It made her blush, always. I can know that through the change in her tone over phone being miles apart. I felt weak and feeble in her absence. I can’t get enough of her. She was full of surprises.
Every time when the call was cut, a sudden pleasing smile rushes or I am vaguely lost. Damn, I never want to cut the call nor did she.  In the abyss, I am open to endless reasoning and line of thoughts.  Whatever the past meant or the future holds, I was totally vulnerable. The dilemma was somehow clear and blurry at the same time. I never wanted to leave her and I promised her that. You go through hell or heaven but it all depends on where your thoughts lead to. I went through both one by one. It was heaven on Earth being beside her, being loved by her. I made my decision and I saw my future, with her. The thought was prodigious.

But, as I said earlier, she was full of surprises. And I was not ready to even react to it in any way. She left me, her parents and everyone she loved. When I was making my decision to spend the rest of life with her, she sneaked out of it without leaving a trace and I am left alone with the memories of her. I shouldn’t blame her in her deathbed. But I don’t have a choice, she left me without saying anything. Our last two-hour talk was our last literally, I cannot accept that till date.  I am longing to see her smile and blush. I am longing to have a two-hour conversation with her, again. But it’s too much to ask for that now. I hope our conversation never ended, I had not dropped the call, we would still be talking right now, you would have been alive. You were my utmost responsibility for God’s sake. How could I forgive myself?
It was your best surprise, leaving me. I wish I could have said it to you.

We need to CHANGE

Niether we support lynching nor massacre. We should stop comparing two wrongs. Standings against lynching and scanty remonstration for amarnath fusillade doesn’t mean We only take stand when we can bring any change ,When it become necessary or When it is needed to show that we are here alive and you cant take us forgranted. There are plethora of monkey business out there and suddenly we start protesting against some outlawed activity. People come together to show unity and fraternity.

But there are some fanatical people who want to be a Shepherd try to break the integrity. Politicians and Media never drop any opportunity to exaggerate such action. Everyone of them try to evil the opportunity.
Do you know whats our problem ? Our problem is we are immutable. We tried to show off that we are secular but we aren’t. We live in dither. We get influenced. We are cynical. Nither we have renounced our origin nor we have accepted the western culture. We compare two incongruous action of different mob and try to anticipate which one is more wrong. Infringement of ethos is common. We outrage on any stupid slang.

So what can bring a change, a person ? Education ? Ideology ? Religion ? An Erudite ?. What i think is an Atheist can bring  that change who is away from these religious confronts. Who is unaffected from blasphemy. Who has no theophobia.Who can unequivocally condemn such activity. Who can vindicate outsmartly. It may not be impeccable way to   deal with such menace. Some of you may flay this ideology but our country’s plight need this manifestation.

The chain smoker

Smoking is injurious to health they said. But he is already injured, they cant see it.‌What made him to smoke …..they never thought nither they care. They just passed few words while he lights his “advance” and pulled a long puff. His life was total mess. Sharing few drag with his friends let him forget his screwed up life and give him a momentarily soothe. 

 He was a common boy of a small town, never went to a betel kiosk. Everything was fine. He used to be the bright student. He was busy with his fucked up college works and  exciting career goals. But everything didn’t work as planed. Solicitude, expectations, love, failure broke his perseverance. 
 Standing at the Tapri with his friends and thinking about the past, he pulled two more puff and hold the smoke for while as some children crossed him. He dont want them to get injured due to him. So he turned and released smoke. Yes he still cares after losing his virtues in dipression and carrying his vices. He knows that smoking is bad for health still he smokes regularly to inflict himself for believing, committing, loving, falling short of expectations. 

He pulled the last drag from the cigarette and rode his bike demurely to the solitude. He was tired of hauling the onus. Smoking dosent kill, what kills you is your demoralised alterego. Losing things bit by bit and gazing people surpass, weakened his conscience. There are somepoint in life when you want to lose everything so that you cant lose anymore. So you let them go like the smoke of cigarette. 

 At last what remains is the filter with some goddam smooth flow tech which he used to crush by his feet. What ever ability you have if you opt the wrong side you will be crushed at the end. Permanent people may keeps you in there ashtray for some time but temporary people crush you like he did to the filter. At the end 15₹ Marlboro advance lost his value. So did he due to some temporary people and searing expectations of permanent people. 

 Mulling about himself he stopped his bike near a deserted road and light one more “Advance”. As after the end comes a new start. He have to rise back. He pulled a long puff, smiled and showed middle finger to the past. He talked to himself like a imbecile and said “you know what, i am a chain smoker, i will still do what i like whether it is harmful or fruitful. I will ignite the fire in me again whether you like it or not. I wont quit till the end”.

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